Dumb...

I put .75 cents in the soda machine.  It's been a long week.  I deserve a soda.  I press the button combo for a Pepsi and nothing comes out.  I look and see that the red light is on, signifying "You ain't gettin' no Pepsi today, heffa".  Disappointed, and slightly annoyed, I then enter the button combo for my backup drink - a Dr. Pepper.  The can comes out with a clunk. 

I stand there waiting on my change.  I hear no jittery-jangle of coins hitting the tray.  Nothing.  I put my fingers in the coin return slot, nothing.  I press the coin return button, nothing. 

Now I'm really annoyed and I begin the most logical assault I can think of - punching random combinations of buttons and the coin return button AND verbally encouraging this bitch ass soda machine to give me my money.

Some guy comes into the breakroom sees me standing there with a quizzical look on my face muttering obscenities and punching buttons and he asks what's wrong.

"This STUPID machine won’t give me my change!"

He said maybe it’s stuck, let me try it.  He jammed the coin turn button, nothing.  Tried to pick the machine up by the corner to rock it back and forth, but it was too heavy.  He said, "Well was your dollar bill wrinkly or something?  Maybe it jammed."


Shaking my head, "No, because my soda came out so it accepted the money.  But wait, I didn’t put in a dollar bill, I put in 3 quarters."

"You put in 3 quarters?"

Didn't I just say that?  "Yeah, I put in THREE quarters."

He looks at me strangely.  "Um, you do know the sodas cost .75 cents, right?"

My annoyance sky rockets to an entirely new level.  Who is this guy and why is he talking to me like I'm stupid?  My right hand goes on my hip and I point to the machine with the other.  "Of course I know that!  It clearly says .75 cents right there.  Do I look like I’m an id…."

Pause…

And then, "Ohhhhh, three quarters.  Seventy-five cents.  No change.  Sheesh, I AM an idiot."

He replies shaking his head, "Well don’t expect me to argue with you."

He looks at me like:  

 *sigh*  I let him have that one.  One - I don't know who he is.  When you work at nepotism central, you gotta be careful about on whom you unleash the snark. Two - I was embarassed as hell, I'm 35 years old and can't count.   Five - my soda is getting warm.

Oh well.  Happy Friday!  I'm fintna crack the tab on this caffeine and go to town.

~N

Wow, Keyboard Still Works...

I'm sitting in McAllister's Deli, marveling at the fact that I'm here alone.

Laptop is to the left of me, and to my right - a dead Angus Spud.  With gravy.  I killed it.  I inhaled that thing like I've never before been priveleged enough to experience gravy. 

No one was bugging me to taste it.  No one sticking their fork in my plate before I was done with it.  I'm all alone.

Well there are some irritating little Asian kids screaming their heads off in the next booth, but they're not mine so they don't count.

No kids, no man, no coworkers, no boss, no dog crapping on my carpet.  Just me.  Not 'just me' crapping on my carpet, but just me - here alone. 

I'm not figuring out how to pay bills.  Not worrying about what to feed the kids for dinner.  I only spent $9 feeding me instead of $45 feeding the whole family.   I'm not engaging in any Facebook or Twitter fist-fights on my Droid (and that's the kind of entertainment I'm driven to when I don't have time to express myself in other ways).  I'm not suffering through my daughter's math homework (she always has the most complicated shit to do), nor am I listening to Nature Boy explain why whatever bad thing happened at school today wasn't his fault.

It's just me for a couple hours.  I think I like it. 

And ... after that, I don't know what to say - for the moment.  I think, maybe, that just getting words down on the page even though they may be scatterbrained and incoherent is almost as therapeautic as putting words on the page that do make sense. 

See, that shit didn't make sense.  But it felt good to write it. 

I'm supposed to have Wednesday evenings away from home for the time being. Thank you Sunshine.  Hopefully it will actually be a regular thing.  When you're a mom, you never know. 

I should probably go. That potato is already working on me... or is it the gravy?

Oh yeah, I think this may be the shortest blog I ever wrote.  Guess that's how it works when you ain't got shit to say.

Yeah, I should go.  Laptop battery is quietly suggesting that I shut it down and come back another day.

Hope you've all been well.  See you next week?

~N