Truth or Dare with Strangers...

Had a weird e-conversation once.  It started out nice, but then just tanked.  I think this person had a preconceived notion of me based on what he picked up or took from my blogs.  I believe he was on guard from the beginning, looking for clues as to what I thought of him, ready to fight back at the slightest idea that I misjudged him in any way.

I'm blogging this out to try and figure out if my initial interpretation of what happened was the right one.   Often when I begin to write with no intended outcome, I learn stuff about me that I didn't really know.  Or didn't think I knew.

Anyway, this guy made mention of going out that night with someone who wasn't really his type.  I wondered out loud - well, via text- why waste your time?

In my head I'm thinking, if you already know this person doesn't do it for you, you can't find any better way to spend your time?  I can think of a shitload of stuff to do with my free time rather than waste it on someone who doesn't make me moist.

His response was, "Do you think that's wrong?"

I told him that I didn't think it wrong, as long as they both enjoy each others company and as long as she knew what the deal was from the get-go (that she's not his type).  I told him I thought leading her on would be wrong.

In my head I'm thinking, would she really want to hang out with him if she knew that in his eyes she was just "something to do for a couple of hours"?

Personally, I wouldn't.   But who knows? Maybe to her, HE was just something to do for a couple hours.  That would have been the perfect situation for both of them. 

He immediately took to the defensive, as if I'd poked him with the hot truth.  He said he wasn't leading her anywhere, if he was sleeping with her that would be different.  He ended with, "I have a conscience, believe it or not."

I'm thinking, whooooaahhh!  What just happened?  Did I dare just give an honest truth when asked?  I think I was supposed to answer, "Why, no, I don't think that's wrong. Spend your time leading some chick on that has no clue you're really not that into her and you're just using her to avoid having to cut your grass today. That is a-ok and perfectly fine. You kids have fun!"



First of all, you don't have to be sleeping with someone in order to lead them on.  Second, did he think I was judging him?  He did ask me my opinion, and I gave him the only one I could.  Was I not supposed to do that?  Did he think I thought he was a bad person for that? I didn't.  Maybe a little selfish of him, but hey, I get selfish on occasion too, it's not a crime.

That led me to believe that (1) Chickie probably doesn't know she's just a time filler, she thinks he genuinely likes and wants to spend time with her, and (2) he knows she doesn't know, and (3) I made the mistake of being too truthful with a stranger, because it was a truth he was choosing to avoid.

FYI.  Don't ask me my opinion if you expect me to be a yes-woman, a back-patter, or a candy-coater.  Don't ask me my opinion if you expect to be coddled, hand-held and validated while doing something you already know is not above board.

I've got nothing for you but the truth.  The truth about me, and the truth about you... or the truth about what I think about you... hell, you know what I mean, I hope.  I've said it before, this is why I don't have girlfriends.  They don't often like hearing what I have to say, because it's not often the truth they want to hear.

This is why the man that chooses me has to truly be comfortable with who he is and accept that, because I call it like I see it and I'm not shy about verbalizing it.   Especially when you ask me to.   If you don't know who you are and you ask me what I think, I'll tell you who I think you are.  Whether you like it or not is not my problem.

I don't go around picking on people just giving them my unsolicited truth.   I don't go to your page and look at your profile disapprovingly and then send you an e-mail advising you that you're a shithead, douchebag and/or a whore.  I don't walk up to folks just roaring to fight or argue.  I don't.   I keep to myself, in my head, in my space, on my blog... until you ask me my opinion.  Then I freely give it.

That being said...  Does what I think of you stop you from earning a living?  Does what I think of you keep you from sleeping at night?  Paying your bills?  Taking care of your kids, parents, responsibilities?  Keep you from having a good time on vacation?  Driving with a seat belt?  Feeding the dog?  Changing your oil every 3000 miles?  Putting the toilet seat back down?  Clearing out the remaining time on the microwave?  Overall, does what I think of you keep you from doing the right thing and being a good person?

Surely, the answer to all those questions is a resounding No.  In that case, why do you give a fuck what I think about you?  I rate NOWHERE in your real world and have no effect on anything in your day to day, so why pay me two cents worth of attention in terms of what I think about YOU?

Figure out who you are, and it won't matter what I think or don't think.

You want to know what I think about what you think about me?

Pffft. That's my internet representation of my real world black-woman dismissive hand wave.  Pffft.  Get the fuck outta here with that.  ANYWAY.  Oh well.  Like I was sayin'...

That's what I think about what you think about me.  You're just an e-person to me until we are face to face and sharing some "real".  Until then, you rate way low on my priority list as to what you think.

Yes. I can be judgmental.   But, I'm just as hard on me as I am on anyone else. I'm hard on me first, before I'm hard on anyone else.  I am not perfection.  I am not without fault.  I am not without flaw.  But all of that's ok because I'm still fuckin' fabulous with or without your assenting opinion.

Do what you do.  Do it to the best of your ability.  Who you have to answer to, what you have to answer for, and when you have to answer for it is not my call, so what I think of you doesn't really matter.

Don't play truth or dare with a stranger if you're not prepared for a truth-teller.

Oh Darn. I Have to Leave...

Everyone has dating dealbreakers.  Well, those of you lucky enough to have found your soul mate don't have any anymore (I hope...), but I'm pretty sure you had them back when you were single.

I recently heard a radio piece where a guy was talking about his dating dealbreakers, one of which had to do with a girls feet and whether or not they were freshly pedicured.  I had to share some of mine...

Summer Teeth: Some are yellow, some are brown, some are ochre colored, and some are almost white. This is why you should never trust a profile picture of someone who isn't smiling, you can't see their teeth. And profile pics of dicks. You can't see their teeth in those either. You also shouldn't trust profile pics of people who are wearing shades, you can't see if they're cock-eyed or not...nothing against cock-eyed people, I just don't want to date you. But I digress. Summer teeth and jacked up teeth (aka, teefs) are a deal breaker.

I went out with a guy once who I'd only spoken to through e-mail a couple of times and once by phone.  You live, you learn, eh?

His pics were taken from a distance, and he had sunglasses on. In the pic, everything seemed to check out.  He was of decent height, he had a stance of confidence and awareness.  On the phone he sounded slightly goofy, but hey, I live in NC.   Parts of NC definitely ooze goofy.  Might be something in the water.

We met for the date. 

What in the sam johnson was that in his face?

I asked him if he had any problems with the directions I gave, squinting so I could see better.  When he answered, I thought, Oh, hell no.  This man had so many teeth in his mouth I don't know how he closed his lips over them.  He had teeth in his face where he shouldn't have had teeth in his face.  There were teeth on top of teeth.  Teeth up under other teeth that were on top of more teeth, and some little toothlets under that.

Now, I ask you, how do you have that many teeth in your mouth AND a gap in the front?  How can you possibly have all those teeth in your mouth; teeth where you're not supposed to have teeth, but the one place you should have a tooth, you don't?   If that ain't a WTF? I don't know what is.

I actually think a slight gap between the front teeth is sexy on most people (male and female), but not 10-12 gaps.  Anyway, I know it's all ceramic - I mean cosmetic and not important in the grand scheme of life and a beautiful smile is in the eye of the beholder, et, yadda and cetera, HOWEVER - fuck that noise.  Summer teeth and jacked up teeth are dealbreakers.  I don't have a perfect smile, it's ok if you don't either, but it's kind of difficult to ignore what looks like chain reaction teeth implosion.

Sloppy Kissers:  I can't STAND sloppy kissers.  Ugh!  The ones where the other person has an overabundance of saliva in their mouth when they kiss you. Ugh!!  The ones where you pull apart and there's a spit string leading from their lips to yours.  UGH!!!  The ones where they stick their tongue in your mouth, wiggling it around like a worm with no purpose.  UGH!!  The ones that kiss all over your face leaving cold wet spots that you can't help but try to wipe away when they're not looking.  UGH.  And if you read one of my earlier blogs, this section is probably a repeat.  You already know how I feel about droolers. Ugh!!  Call me a prude, but I am not a fan of the excessive sharing of bodily fluids.

Dry Kissers:  Then there was another guy that I went out with. Another first and last date (I've had more of those than what's fair, dammit!).  At the end of the date, he kissed me.  It was just a dry peck on the lips, nothing to get alarmed about and/or cut him for.

I guess he figured since he got away with a peck on the lips the first time that he would maw-maw me to death with a second kiss.  I don't think so.  My lips were closed, teeth clenched, he wasn't getting in so he basically maw-maw-mawed against my lips all soap-opera-drama like.   Dude.  When he pulled back, the entire lower half of my face was chapped.  Well, damn, now I need chap-stick too.  He's lucky he didn't get punched in the face.


However, if I went around punching everybody in the face, I would ruin the whole re-telling because I'd have to digress into explanation about the time I spent in jail.  No one wants to read that.  :)

Booty Villains:  Did I give you permission to grab my ass?  If I want you to grab my ass, I'll say something like, "Dude. Your hands. My ass. Right now."  If a quick, random booty-feel is what gets you off and you're willing to risk it, go for it, but I can't promise you I won't react badly.  Truly, you're lucky if I don't punch you in the face, kick you in the nuts and then stomp on your neck when you're down.   I can promise you that you'll never see me again.







**the pic in this blog is NOT my booty, but isn't her underwear fabulous? I like...***

I know you've got some dealbreakers...  Feel free to share :)

Oh. Shit.

People and their profile pictures... Sheesh.

...stop posing on, in, in front of, to the right, left or otherwise "around" your toilet. Lid up, lid down, flushed, unflushed (nasty asses!  ha! pun!!)... Just don't do it.

It's a toilet for shit's sake. Not sexy.

That is all.

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