Some People Are Just Nasty v1

Some people are just nasty.

I've come to accept a certain amount of nastiness in my life. I have three kids, so I'm really familiar with nasty in all it's many forms... and colors...and textures. Particularly mucous.

Snot, snot rockets, crust, phlegm, boog, boogies, boogers, bogey. Nasty.

Clear, white, yellow, white and yellow, pale yellow, vivid yellow, green, pale green, dark green, nautious green, putrid green, brown, blood tinged. Nasty.

Wet, viscous, dry, crusty, crustish, slimy, pasty, sticky, gummy, gooey, tacky. Nasty.

I know. Nasty.

I'm also an avid bookreader. Before becoming a member of the Books-A-Million Millionaire's Discount Club , I used to get a majority of my books from the Public Library.

Two reasons why I stopped.

Reason number 1. I stopped borrowing books and started buying them. I don't splurge on clothes, shoes or anything else really. I deserve to splurge on something. I am a woman, it's my God given right to splurge on something. I choose to splurge on my books. Send me in the bookstore and I'll come out with a smile on my face.

*Side note: Screw you men out there who think that just by taking a girl out to dinner and a movie, you're going to get in her pants. Dummies, you've got it all wrong!! Upgrade your layability factor. Buy a bitch a book, she love you long time.*

I love the smell of a brand new book. It's sexy. It turns me on. It makes me hot. I just wanna rip my clothes off and read the motherfucker. I'm getting moist just thinking about it.

Reason number 2. Do you have any idea how filthy and nasty library books are? When I do have to get one, I am constantly washing my hands, and I'll never, ever fall asleep with the book tented over my face as I tend to do when reading one of my sexy, new books.

When I say nasty, as I intro'd, I'm specifically talking about boogers. For some reason, nasty motherfuckers love smearing a booger in a book.

Why is this? Books are sacred!! What's wrong with you people??

Why must I turn a page and have a crusty, brown, fossilized booger fall into my lap? How the fuck did I ever offend your nostril enough to deserve that? Not only is that shit nasty, I'll bet it's a health hazard and....damnit it's just NASTY.

I understand all too well the emergency nose pick where you absolutely have to go up in there and handle your business. In the case of emergency, by all means, pick your nose, but your library book is not the place to deposit your goober!!!

Now that said emergency is over, get your ass up and go get a napkin, tissue, wipe it on your pants, the back of your co-workers chair, shirt or desk, but in the name of all things Holy, don't smear it right where I have to turn the page in "Property of QT's Branch Library" (read: MY) book! Then wash your hands!!!!

If you're a Library Book Booger Smearer, I HATE YOU WITH A PASSION!!

I hope the next booger you try to flick off your finger ends up on the dashboard of your car, found by the next chick you go out on a date with!!! That is if your disgusting ass can even get a date!

I hope your mucous membranes dry the fuck up and you can NEVER produce another booger again! I'm going to laugh and say, "Aaah! Your mucous won't flow no mo'!"

I hope you have to spend an insane amount of money on saline sprays!!!

I hope your cilia fall out due to extreme dryness! Now not only can you not manufacture a boogie, you won't ever have the crust in your nose that tempts you to dig up in there in the first place!!

I hope you get an infection from all the bacteria that enter your body through unfettered nasal passages!!

I hope you die from your infection and when they bury you, your casket is lined in one big conglobulation of hundreds of random strangers dried up, flaky, ooey gooey boogers!!

If you're a Library Book Booger smearer, YOU'RE A NASTY MOTHERFUCKER!!!

You must, must, must, MUST respect the sexy, must PRESERVE the sexy!! That means you don't bend pages, you don't use paperclips, you don't tear corners, you don't write in the sexy, and you for damn sure don't leave your DNA in the sexy!!!

I HATE YOU!!!

And if you're an Audiobook Booger Smearer, I HATE YOU EVEN MORE!!!!

Tamn you!! Can't a sista listen to a gat tamned BOOK ON FUCKIN' TAPE without opening up the case and seeing a BOOGER on tape fuckin' ONE!?!!?!!?!

I'm so mad I can't even type my D's properly! d/t whatever. Fuck those squiggly little red spellcheck lines!!

****Screams silently so as to not wake the kids****

"BASsSSSSSTAAARRRRRRSSSSS!!!"

People, don't mess with my books. It makes me crazy.

Slim Nerdsta out.