Married Men Make Me Sad...

Married men make me sad. Not so much sad because I can't have them - but sad because they want to be had.

I'm single, and I date.  I've said a million times that if you're married and unhappy, while I'm sorry for you, I'm also not the one for you.  For someone who has problems with brevity, surprisingly that's all my fingertips can stutter in an "about me" section on a profile without being judgmental. 

 

But I'm tired of reserving my judgment.  I'm tired of married guys hitting on me.  

 

I don't understand how one can justify cheating and dishonesty all the while flipping a crooked middle finger at their marriage vows and still say - and believe - that they love that someone more than anything?

Maybe it stems from having never felt the pain and betrayal of being cheated on and lied to.   They don't know how it feels, so there's no moral self censor that says to them, hey I don't ever want to make someone feel like I felt when I found my wife cheating.  After all, it's difficult (for most conscientious people I think) to intentionally inflict the same kind of pain on an innocent that someone else has inflicted upon you.

Right?

I've been cheated on. Initially it can make you feel worthless. Makes you compare yourself to people you would have never compared yourself to before and wonder where you come up short. It messes with your head. Sometimes it takes a while to figure out that you're not the worthless one. I choose not to make anyone feel that way, because I know it's not a nice feeling and can be difficult to recover from.

I've been lied to. As a general life rule, I try not to do it. Sometimes I have to skirt the truth at work, and inevitably I have a hard time sleeping that night. A silk pillowcase does absolutely nothing for your soul. I feel guilty, and it affects my core. In my personal life, I choose not to lie. I'd rather wound you with the truth than kill the respect and trust you have in me by telling you a lie.

In my soapbox diatribe, to some I'm going to sound haughty and judgmental, inflexible and may come across as if I've never made a mistake.  None of that is the case, but if that's how I sound, that's my fault and my failure to find the words to accurately relay how I'm feeling - and by default, who I am.

So I'll put it this way.  I will respect and honor the sanctity of your marriage, even if you don't.

I'm not doing it for the other woman (oh wait, technically I would be the other woman, not her).  I won't violate your marriage out of respect, for myself.  And out of respect for that good old Golden Rule.  Treat others how you wish to be treated.  Over my 33 years I've grown to have an awesome respect for Lady Karma. I've seen her in action, and it ain't always pretty.

Also, I won't violate your marriage out of a selfish logic. I have enough ego to know that I'm a damned good catch, too good to have (or want) to share a man.

Some say life is difficult enough without complications of our own making... so why make things complicated?

Some enlightened ones - *channeling Tina Tuner (post Ike) * "Namyorengyekooooooo..." - would say that life is really simple.  Do the right thing, or don't.  Be a good person, or don't.  Live a good life, or don't. *shrug*  If you apply that to the topic of this blog:  Stay true to your marriage, or don't.  Stay married, or don't.

Make a simple decision.  Be a cheating husband, or a "discreet" second rate, back alley, knee-pad wearing, home-wrecking whore - or don't.  I think it's quite clear that I lean towards the "don't", but what you do - is all on you.