The Ashy: Ash is pretty common, so I wasn't surprised to see several ashy elbows and ankles. I even had to check my own just to make sure, 'cause... you know, I have a history. But, I was good. I would have loaned them my lotion, 'cause I'm nice like that but nobody asked so I let 'em stay ashy.
The Itchy: There was one guy who had a wicked case of poison ivy. It was really bad. He was moving from seat to seat like he didn't know which one felt better to his butt. I'm glad the rash generally isn't contagious to other people otherwise whomever sat in those seats behind him would be in serious trouble. I went hiking yesterday at Crowder's Mountain - went the whole day without running into any poison ivy out in the woods. I sure as shit wasn't trying to catch it from some random dude on a train. Damn that.
Oooh, and the ugly? I really don't think I need to say anymore on that.
The Inconsiderate. There was a young kid that got on at one stop and he either had defective ear buds or he didn't have them plugged all the way into his electronical musical thingamajingy. Clearly marked in several places on the train were warnings against loud music or listening to electronical musical thinagamajingys without earphones. When he got on the train, he - of course - took the seat right behind me and treated me to a free Lil Wayne concert. *whispers: I've been saying for years that Lil Wayne has a speech impediment. I stand by my original diagnosis.*
If you know me, you already know I was thinking about turning around and helping him read the signs. Just being helpful, you know. But the older I get, the more I realize I actually enjoy not getting beat up and I didn't have my taser. So, I did nothing outside of shooting him mean looks through the eyeballs in the back of my head until he got off the train.
The BAK's (Bad Ass Kids) - there were plenty. I wanted to stick my foot out and trip several of them as they ran back and forth up the aisle. The one that swore he was pole dancing was actually pretty good at it. I thought: be all you can be kid, be all you can be. If I'd had some monopoly money on me I'd have been sorely tempted to make it rain.
The People with Bicycles: I hesitate to call them Cyclists because these were just random people with bicycles. Anyway, this should probably go up there with inconsiderate, but instead of problem earbuds, these were problem ...umm, bicycles. I was waiting on one of the unattended bicycles to roll down the aisle and crash into my bum knee. Did you know that bicycles have wheels but whilst on trains they apparently shouldn't roll? Or at least that's what the dumbass who carted the bike on the train, left it propped against two seats on the aisle and then took a seat two rows down must have thought. If that bike had hit me, I do believe I would have had to kick his ass in the most premeditated fashion - coordinating the meeting of my foot and the back of his head right before the train doors opened at the next stop so I could be long gone before he came to.
The Ambassador: This guy was really weird, and I daresay boarded the train without a ticket... but that's just my assumption. Anywho, he got on the train after I did, but at each stop he felt the need to heartily greet everyone who boarded. It was freaky.
If one person came through the door: "Hey! How you doin'?"
When two people got on: "Hey! How you doin'? Hey! How you doin'?"
When three people boarded: "Hey! How you doin'? Hey! How you doin'? Hey! How you doin'?"
He greeted everyone who entered the train, not just those who boarded at his door, so sometimes it wasn't just "Hey! How you doin'?", but "HEY, HOW YOU DOIN!!!!!!"
Did I already say it was freaky? Really freaky.
I wonder what kind of stuff I'd see riding the train at night. Better not go alone and better make sure I have the zapper!
p.s. These things were kinda freaky too. It's sculpture titled "Furrow". Shoulda been titled "Cereal".
I've seen them from the road when driving up South Boulevard, but seeing them from the train makes you go What the Hell? all over again. I bet those were some damn expensive cookie crisps.
Hope you enjoyed your weekend!
You crack me up!
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