Shut Up Usher Raymond!

Lyrics:  Do I remind you of the pain that he put you through?  Is that the reason I'm to blame before I do it?
Is it because he treated you badly?  I always stand accused.  Protecting yourself from somebody else, I'm not whose hurting you.  And it's killing me knowing you compare me to him, always guilty before the sin.  I can't win, I can't win.  I'll do anything to prove I love you but I refuse to pay for something I didn't do.  I love you girl, but I refuse to stay,  paying for his mistakes.





Shut up, Usher Raymond!

On some levels, with some women he may have a valid point.  There are a lot of women who don't know how to recover from past relationship hurts.  As a result, all the hurt from the sins of the previous boyfriend is visited upon the next - whether new guy deserves it or not.  She may not realize that's what she's doing for years, until after she's (as my grandma would have put it) run him off.  Some man (or men) really hurt her and up until her epiphany, she's living that pain out loud.

I admit, I was "her" at some point.  I was hard on a man.  When I left the kids father, I didn't trust men and I'd always find myself thinking of various creative and fun ways to "accidentally" remove their reproductive organs without getting in trouble.  I developed a mental and (I must confess) a physical kick-your-ass attitude because I was determined no man would ever put his hands on me again.  Ask the next ex who chipped his tooth by breaking my laptop with his face.. he won't ever touch another woman in the wrong way without remembering the lisp and that Toshiba imprint across his forehead.  To this day, you still can't physically back me into a corner.  I. Will. Fuck. You. Up.

Learning how to let go of being wronged isn't any kind of easy, but it can be done.   Eventually, I came to realize that every man I met was not my ex incarnate, and it wasn't fair to them or me that we never had a clean shot at making each other happy.   I know of at least two who would have given me the world but I wouldn't allow them to because I was still angry.  While at one point I wished I could go back and try again, I understood that those relationships were meant to play out the way they did - so I could learn. 

I learned some things, you should too.

What I need for those who live by Usher's "His Mistakes" mantra to learn is that a lot of men aren't paying for another man's mistakes, they're making and paying for their own!  You can't be a complete shithead and then say, "Just because your ex was a certain way, doesn't mean I am.  Don't make me pay for his mistakes."

Durrrr.  The fact that you just did the same thing that he used to do and that's why you're both now ex-boyfriends is simply an unfortunate coincidence.  

So, shut up Usher Raymond!

No, don't shut up just yet.  Write me some pretty lyrics and croon this:  Tell all your boys to stop leaving a wealth of hurt and broken women in their wake and you won't have to worry about catching flack for something the last guy did.  Don't be an asshole, then you can be accountable for your mistakes alone and not have to worry about the last guy.  If you know she's been through some things, try being understanding instead of quick to say, "I'm not him!"  And lastly, if you aren't him, quit acting like him and there will be no confusion.

Most of us out here are trying to live, let live and be happy.  Trust me, we don't want you to be like the last guy.