So, You Want to Get Fired, Huh?

10 Ways to Get yourself FIRED if you are a Maintenance Man at SG's Apartment Community

1. Enter SG's apartment, claim to have changed an air filter and fixed the problem and then leave SG's still broken a/c running for 3 straight days blowing up her electric bill while SG is out of town after she made sure she'd turned the thermostat off before she left because the shit was blowing out hot air.

In other words spend 3 seconds on troubleshooting, swap a really dirty air filter for a slightly dirty air filter from another apartment and then go home for the day...

2. Crack SG's windowsill and then claim it was like that already while attempting to hookup an industrial sized fan in the living room with a huge ass hose leading outside the open window while allowing mutinously swarming, poisonous,verminous, blood sucking insects that SG is afraid of and allergic to inside her apartment in the middle of the night.

In other words, do not pay attention to what you're doing...

3. Sit abovementioned industrial sized fan on top of little Master SG's PS2 that he forgot to put away because his brain was fried from being inside a 95 degree apartment for too long.

In other words, continue not paying attention to what you're doing...

4. Leave SG a stupid message on the work-order written in crooked 1st grade print lettering advising "Bolted d-washer to counter top agin to stop rocking when in operations, but springs in your d-washer just plain old and caint be fixed so nothing we can do bout the door slamms down by isself."

In other words, say "deal with it bitch"....

6. Turn in totally different work-order to apartment Manager advising "d-washer fixed".

In other words, attempt to cover your illiterate ass but fail miserably because you're not smart enough...

7. Leave puddles of water and leaves in SG's hallway and muddy footprint trails on SG's standard "apartment beige" carpeting while writing up illiterate work orders.

In other words, don't take your dirty boots off because you don't like this uppity bitch anyway...

8. Leave Mama SG who always pays her rent on time and in full, and her little people without a/c for a total of 10 whole days and 9 whole nights, causing said little people to have to spend an excessive amount of time with dad and away from Mama SG who already missed them to death from when she went out of town from "Hot as Hell Home" to visit a little place called "Hot as Hell Texas".

In other words, take your ass on vacation to the "Blue Oyster Resort and Trailer Park with your wife/first cousin" because this uppity negrette's a/c and old faulty piece of shit dishwasher is not a priority to you.

9. Drop and leave a Master Key to SG's apartment and several others' apartments on the stairwell of her building so a little Miss SG finds it and hands it to Mama SG and Mama SG just happens to see if the key fits her door since she knows Mr. about to be fired Maintenance Man has been in and out of her crib all week pretending like he's fixing her a/c. Mama SG is just astonished when the key unlocks and locks her door twice, especially after she finishes reading the Neighborhood Bulletin about the latest break-ins which occurred the night before.

In other words, exercise "Extreme Negligence". Oh wait, those words are too big for you. Try this "Fuck Up Really Really Bad".

10. Piss SG off...more than once.

Nuff said.

With Complete Courtesy of Resident Slim Goodie, you have now been F.I.R.E.D.

Pink Slip. Pack your shit Motherfucker. Your last check is in the mail.

Please proceed immediately to your local NC Unemployment Office , without haste or stopping to pick up your tobacco pouch which fell out of your back pocket when you got the Boot to the Ass, to begin processing of your Unemployment claim which I hope is denied for reasons: (06) Shitty Work Performance & (10) Pissing off a Skinny Black Woman on the verge of a heat stroke.