Teapots and Tasers

I had a really wierd dream the other night. It's been about a week, I just haven't had the time or the need to come here and write it down, but it stuck with me all the same. Normally, when I dream, it's pretty clear to me as to what the meaning of it was or why I dreamed what I did. This one is a little puzzling to me and I ask your assistance in figuring out if there is a deeper meaning or if I simply need to seek medical attention.

Teapots and Tasers

I'm shopping with the kids, it's some holiday, Christmas I assume. I'm in a store, either a K-Mart, or a Kirklands. There's a "happy" spirit emanating from everyone I pass, the kids are all smiling, everyone's having a great time. On entering the store, I pass a register up front, and who do I see but my best friend Tonya and her little adopted sister Angela. Of course I stop to speak to her, the kids exchange greetings and Tonya and I stand there talking.

The clerk at the register is asking Tonya if she wants her Teapot wrapped. I look at Tonya with a funny face, thinking, "Why in the hell is Tonya buying a teapot?" We've been bestest friends forever since the 6th grade, so it's almost like she knows what I'm thinking without having heard me. But then again, this is a dream so maybe she did hear me. She explains that she and her fiance were shopping and they saw the teapot and decided to buy it. (That still didnt answer my question since I've never seen her boil water in a regular pot much less an actual teapot).

I decide to take a closer look at the teapot, and it's almost magical. I'm enthralled by it. It's red, has an antiquish quality and look about it. Problem is, it's chipped and just looks a little abused really. "Tonya, this one's damaged, you might want to go and get another one." She shakes her head, "Nope, this is the one I want. I've already looked at so many, THIS is it." She pays the clerk and we both watch while the lady puts the teapot in the bag. She notices me watching and says, "There were plenty over there, why don't you go and pick one?" I say, no, didnt come here for a teapot. In true Tonya style, she answers with "Suit yourself, but don't be tryin to borrow MY teapot later on." I reply with "Don't nobody want your stinkin, beat up teapot....Where are they by the way?" She points me to a huge wall display, I gather up my passle of kids, and we morph over to the wall.

Wall is filled from top to bottom with teapots, red, blue & green. All of a sudden, I think, no I NEED to buy a teapot. My first choice is Red, but I disregard that, Tonya's teapot is red, she will swear up and down I talked trash about her teapot and then turned around and bought one just like it. So my second choice is Green. I'm examining all the Green teapots, and curiously they all have an imperfection too. Chips, scratches, dents. What is this a scratch and dent sale? Maybe that's why there are so many still here, they're all beat the f*** up. Ok, so now there's nothing left but Blue teapots, maybe they're in a little better shape. So almost frantically now, I'm examining the blue teapots and disregarding one after the other for all the same reasons.

Strange that there is no one around me shopping for teapots, no one that I can see, but the teapots are mysteriously disappearing. Each time I leave a shelf and move to another, when I turn back to maybe compare one teapot to another, I notice the selection thinning out. The teapots are getting missing. I need to hurry before theyre all gone. "Kids, help me find a perfect teapot, we've got to hurry". I look up, the kids have gone back over to the register where Tonya is standing, shaking her head. "Why are you being so picky, Nakena? All those teapots and you're still looking." I say, "Well Tonya, I'm not about to spend any money on a broken teapot like you just did, so just hursh it up and stop sweatin me."

I turn back to the teapots again and MORE of them are gone. The shelves look just like they do during the "Day After Thanksgiving Sale" at ANY store. Opened boxes, crooked shelves, advertisements litter the floor, glitter on the wall. I only see about 3 or 4 teapots left. I begin my examination again, I'm comparing each against the other. I'm down to the last teapot, which happens to be RED and I sigh. It's slightly chipped along the bottom edge and the spout has a slight dent in it, but it's the best so far.

Out of the corner of my eye, and with complete surprise, on the very bottom shelf, way back in the corner, I spot another teapot. THIS one is a bright YELLOW color. Almost like it was supposed to be Golden, but somebody f***** the color up so badly they tried to hide it in the corner. That's it, there's my teapot. I put the one in my hand back on the shelf, no need to compare the two. I simply KNOW that the bright a** teapot on the bottom shelf is the one I've been looking for for hours it seems like.

I make my way over to the end of the wall, feeling so much better now that I've found it. I reach down to grab it, and before I can, it's snatched right out from under my hand. I can almost feel the backdraft. I look up, incredulous. I see a woman, there's almost a spiky haze around her, like you might see in a comic book drawn around a character. Don't know what she looked like, guess it wasn't important. She's holding the teapot up to the light, "I've found it, the Golden Teapot!" Caressing it, almost a tear in her eye. She clasps it to her chest and hugs it.

"What the f***? Tell me you didn't just snatch my teapot out of my hand?"

She looks at me and hugs the teapot tighter, "I saw it first, I've got it, now it's mine." She turns and starts walking away, glancing back at me. I follow her. "I'm going to ask you one time and one time only, gimme my teapot lady." She walks faster and finally makes it to the register. Tonya's there and she says, "Nakena, no, we'll go to another store." I say, "Tonya, no, this b**** is about to come up offa my teapot." She mumbles something about the Lord and tells the kids to close their ears and to go sit on the bench right outside of the store.

The clerk is looking at everyone, a little on edge, trying not to show it. The lady places the teapot on the counter, but does'nt take her hand from it. I explain to the clerk that this lady snatched my teapot out from under my hand and she's not going to buy it, I am. Lady turns to me and tells me "You're not buying s***, this is my teapot." Clerk starts to ring it up, and I say to the clerk "Oh, you want to get f**** up too, huh? I know you heard what I just said." Clerk presses void on the register and says "I'm going on break, ya'll can work that out amongst yourselves." She leaves.

Treacherous teapot stealing lady turns around and hisses, along with the head roll and finger point, "And you still ain't getting s*** 'cause I'm going to another register." I'm livid, heated. This heffa thinks she's going to steal my teapot and then talk trash to my face and walk away unscathed? Tonya says "Nakena, no. NO Nakena. NAKENA, Please don't do it."

(This is where I wake up, groggy, I lay back down and this is what comes to me next, but this was only semi-sleep...)

Next thing you know, the b**** a** teapot thief is laying on the floor, not comfortably mind you, but jerking spasmically from the current running through her body as I have just Tasered her a**, and with satisfaction. I look down at her and say "Dang!"...pick up my teapot, walk over to the other register, pay for it, collect my kids and leave.